Making Judgements on Craigslist

For some reason this really bothered me. Someone made a post on Craigslist which I consider to be inappropriate.

Here is the post:

Christmas Shopping on CL

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Date: 2010-11-12, 8:56AM EST
Reply to: see below
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Maybe you "could afford" a little more if you had a JOB instead of posting all those ads from your shopping list? CL READERS SHOULD ABSOLUTELY REFUSE TO AID THE EBEGGARS. Donate new & used toys to the Salvation Army, VOA, shelters and Toys for Tots not these greedy lazy lowlife scammers who then return or sell their donations.

PostingID: 2056005799


This post is making a lot of assumptions that are all negative. (And the person did not have the nerve to post a scrambled email that people could send a reply to.)

It assumes that all people are able to work. Many people are not able to work for various reasons. Maybe they cannot find a job in this economy. Maybe they cannot afford to work due to the cost of daycare. Maybe they have some kind of physical or mental condition that makes it impossible for them to work.

This post is also assuming the worst of our fellow people. And this really irks me as well. Maybe there are people who look for free handouts so they can resell them. Well, so what? Maybe they need the money for day-to-day living expenses. And maybe they honestly cannot afford an item that they would like to have for their loved one.

I guess the biggest thing that bothers me is that it seems to be a huge stereotype. People who are looking to buy items on Craigslist and saying they cannot afford to pay for them = people who are lazy and have no motivation. Well, then I guess that makes me a lazy person with no desire to work who just wants free handouts and to scam the system.

I do wish that people would not make such stereotypes when they have no idea of individual people's situations. My biggest wish is that people would think before they open their mouths and post messages online. Okay, enough of my soapbox for the day.

Photos Uploaded 写真

Okay, so I've been bad about it again... But I just uploaded a whole bunch of photos. You can see them at the following links:

http://tinyurl.com/kawakami2010-03
http://tinyurl.com/kawakami2010-04
http://tinyurl.com/kawakami2010-05
http://tinyurl.com/kawakami2010-06

Hope you enjoy!

Kids NEED Privacy?!

Okay, I was waiting in the doctor's office and read a question/answer article in a parenting magazine. I can't remember what the name of the magazine was, but I do remember that it was the May 2010 issue. While reading it, it bothered me a bit and has continued to bother me. Here is a brief recap of the question and the answer:

Question:
My four-year-old kid usually plays in his room with the door closed. I feel that he needs his privacy while playing and that it is important to give him privacy. But his friend's mom would rather have the door open while they play in the room. I don't want to be a hovering parent, so how should I handle this?

Answer:
You're right not to want to hover too much. Hovering makes kids more insecure when they get older. But since the other mom is not comfortable with your style, you should talk to your kid and suggest that when this kid is over playing that maybe they should play with the door open because it makes his mom feel more comfortable.

While reading this, I thought it was wrong and it has kind of been nagging at me.

I am NOT a hovering parent. I do think that children need to be left to play on their own and parents should not interfere too much. What I mean is that the kids should be allowed a certain amount of leeway to resolve their own problems. And playing on their own, using their imaginations freely is important. But what 4-year-old child needs "privacy"? What do they need privacy to do? I had to go back and re-read the part to verify the age, because I couldn't believe that the article was talking about privacy for a 4-year-old!

Often I am not in the same room where my children are playing, but they do not close doors to play in privacy. Actually, I have a rule with them about keeping the doors open. I do not want them "playing with" doors as this can lead to pinched fingers during arguments. Also, Hana cannot open doors yet and I do not want her trapped in a room somewhere in the house. If they were allowed to close doors, this is definitely what would happen every time they fight.

I think this whole concept of physical privacy is over the top. It is a very Western (or is it uniquely American?) concept. And applying this concept of privacy to children at the age of four is completely crazy! In most countries, families do not have the space to allow children privacy in the way it is talked about in the article. They turn out just fine and do not need such privacy.

Musical Beds

Sometimes playing musical beds can be tough, tiring and confusing. Last night was one of those nights.

Currently, we are sleeping in two rooms: the "bedroom" where Tak, Gaku and Hana sleep with two beds (full-size and queen) and the "playroom" where I sleep with Tsubaki on a double futon. Up until the time Tsubaki was born, I co-slept with Hana. But due to concerns about Hana rolling over on and/or kicking Tsubaki, I cannot co-sleep with Hana anymore. Sleeping with the baby makes more sense for me since I need to nurse her at night. However, Hana still needs to snuggle with Mommy to go to sleep at night. Therefore, I now get to play musical beds! There are two patterns to musical beds: Tsubaki is awake at bedtime, and Tsubaki is already sleeping at bedtime.

If Tsubaki is awake at bedtime, I take her with me to snuggle with Hana. This means I can nurse her on the left side while Hana lays behind me and reaches her arm over me while snuggling. We usually end up falling asleep like this and waking up sometime between midnight and 3 am when it's time to nurse Tsubaki again, this time on the right side, so we return to our futon because I cannot put Tsubaki in the middle. If Hana falls asleep right away, I'll sneak away right then and come back to the futon with Tsubaki.

If Tsubaki is already sleeping at bedtime, I leave her on the futon and go snuggle just with Hana. This is much easier for me. And Hana falling asleep first is the ideal because then I can come back to Tsubaki right away. But usually I fall asleep first and wake up when I hear Tsubaki crying from the next room.

And then there's the added factor of Hana sometimes waking up when I'm in the playroom with Tsubaki. This means that I jump out of bed and go snuggle Hana (if I hear her) and then wait 5-10 minutes to go back to Tusbaki. Or Tak sometimes brings Hana to sleep in the futon the rest of the night, which is my least favorite musical beds situation because it makes the rest of the nursings for the night more challenging as Hana wants to continually snuggle and gets grumpy if she can't, and I also have to sit up for some of the nursings so Tsubaki is not in the middle.

So last night, I woke up to hear Hana crying. But I was really confused. I looked next to me and Hana was sleeping, so I started dozing off again. Then I heard the crying again and woke up a bit more, only to realize that I was in bedroom with Hana and Tsubaki was the one crying and she was in the playroom! Jump out of bed and go to the little one. I can't even keep track of where I'm sleeping and which kid is crying anymore!

Easter Bunny is Not Screaming

Gaku and Hana had been wanting candy for their Pez dispensers that they got for Christmas. Actually, Gaku could not find his (Buzz Lightyear) and so he wanted a new one. Before going shopping I had said that, if they were good, I would buy them another Pez dispenser.

I ran into Babies 'R Us for a few things but I didn't see any Pez dispensers. They had both been *reasonably* good in the store, so we made a quick trip to Target. I figured they must have them. Candy section? Nope. Toy section? Nope. Discounted Easter section? Bingo. Not Buzz ones, but they were 50% off and both Gaku and Hana were happy with them. Gaku picked out one that had a pink dispenser with a brown bunny, and Hana got the purple one with a pink bunny.

Lately Hana has this really loud, low, gravelly voice that she sometimes uses. It is so un-girlie and really cracks me up. So, last night towards the end of dinner, Hana was done and Gaku was the last one at the table still eating - as always. Hana went and got her Pez dispenser and tried to talk to Gaku, one bunny to the other. The conversation went like this:

Hana: (sweet voice) Hi! Talk me. Talk me. (gravelly voice) NOW!!

Gaku: The Easter bunny doesn't scream.

Hana: (almost sweet voice) Easter bunny not screaming.

The conversation is kind of lame written out like this, but for those of you who know Gaku and Hana's voices and can hear the conversation, it's pretty funny. It had everyone at the table laughing.

Tsubaki Camellia 川上 椿 カミリア

Tsubaki Camellia Kawakami was born on Tuesday, February 23 at 6:28 pm.
Weight (体重): 7 pounds 4 ounces (3295 grams)
Length (身長): 19.5 inches (49.5 cm)

It was a bit of a long, crazy week before she was born. And things didn't go quite how I planned them, but everything turned out great in the end. (And I still kind of got to do what I wanted.)

I kept having false starts for almost the entire week before she was born. On Wednesday night, the week before, I started having contractions in the middle of the night. They weren't the really strong ones, but they started coming about 5 minutes apart. With both Gaku and Hana, these contractions kept coming and progressed to the stronger ones. This time, they stopped in the morning. But I figured, they would probably start up again that night and she would be born then. So before my appointment with the midwife on Thursday, we dropped Gaku and Hana off at Jon and Colleen's for the night. Sure enough, they started again, but sometime about 2 or 3 in the morning, they stopped again. So Friday morning, I took a walk with Tak and the dogs and took a long, hot bath, but they didn't start again. So around lunchtime, we went and picked up Gaku and Hana. Friday night I had them again, but not for long and not very consistent. Saturday night, same thing. Then Sunday afternoon around three, I started having them again. They were a bit stronger and getting closer, so at 9 pm I called the midwife and said I thought that tonight would be the night. Then around 1 am, they stopped again. I couldn't believe it. Monday, all day there was absolutely nothing. Monday was her due date. If she had been born on Monday, she would have been part of 3% of babies who are born on their due date. And her birthday would have been 2/22. And in Japan the year is Heisei 22, so in Japanese her birthday would have been 22/2/22. Oh well. Then Monday night/Tuesday morning they started at 3 am. These were stronger ones though, not the wimpy "lightweight contractions". But these also stopped at a little after 8 am. All this starting and stopping was getting really tiring.

That afternoon, I was scheduled to see Sarah (the midwife) at 1:30 and have a non-stress test. I had a message on my voicemail to say that Sarah was at the Alternative Birth Center attending a birth and I could come in and see one of the doctors or reschedule. I was definitely going in to be checked. So as soon as we got to the office at 1:30, the contractions started again. I went up to the office and they hooked me up to the machine. I must have been hooked up for almost an hour and a half before the doctor finally came in to check. He took one look at the strip and said I was in active labor and needed to go next door (Park Providence Hospital in Novi). I told him I was supposed to go to the Alternative Birth Center at Providence Hospital in Southfield. He said that wasn't a good idea, because after two of the contractions, the baby's heartbeat had decelerated. I was pretty upset about this. I had never set foot into Park Providence! All I knew about it was that it was the "new" hospital. The office said they would try and reach Sarah and see if she could make it over.

Tak was waiting in the lobby with the kids. We had been thinking that if my labor started we would drop them by Jon and Colleen's and head to the hospital. Their house isn't that far from the Southfield hospital. Instead I ended up calling Colleen and having her drive to Novi to pick them up. Tak waited in the parking lot while I went in ahead of him.

By the time I was hooked up, it was about 4:30 pm. I saw Dr. Marback, who I had one office visit with and thought, "Oh good. Dr. Marback is the doctor on duty right now." But she had to go over to Southfield to help with the birth at Providence ABC. So, I had no idea which doctor would be there. From there on, everything went really fast. I was having regular contractions at a good pace. And then I had a killer contraction. I had never had one like that with Gaku or Hana. It was so intense and so long that I thought it was going to kill me. I couldn't let go of the tension. I was thinking WTF and that I was still in early stages, and if I was having a contraction like this so early I was going to need drugs. I hit the nurse's button and the nurse and doctor came in. I was checked and told the baby was already coming out! Yay! If that was what was going on and I was so far along already, I could handle it. Dr. Tai said I could stay on my side for a couple more contractions and then they would want me to roll onto my back to push. I told her I wanted to stay on my side and deliver that way. (That's what I did with Gaku and Hana.) She seemed skeptical, but said we could see how things went. I was happy with that, because I knew it would work out and I didn't get stuck on my back with my feet up in stirrups. I can't think of a worse way to give birth. Within half an hour after that killer contraction Tsubaki was born. So the "final" labor was only 5 hours with 2 hours in the hospital.

椿ちゃんは2月23日に生まれました。予定日は22日でした。22日だったら平成22年2月22日・・・　でも、23日は未来に祝日になりますのでいいな～。

３人目だから色々な分かると思いました、けど今回はがくとはなと全然違いました。一週間前から陣痛が何回も始まったと止まった。何でかな～と思った。どうすれば良いですか？結局に火曜日の朝３時から強い陣痛がありました。でも、８時にまだ止まりました。火曜日の昼１時半から助産婦さんと予約ありました。その時にnon-stress testをする積りだった。医院に着いた時に陣痛も一同始まりました。１時間半ぐらい赤ちゃんの心拍を聞きました。先生が心拍と陣痛の紙見た時に今すぐ隣の病院へ行った方が良いと言いました。違う病院へ行く積りだったけど２回、陣痛の後で赤ちゃんの心拍が１４０ぐらいから６０ぐらいまで下がったからちょっと心配。陣痛もちゃんとあるから早く病院行った方が良いと言いました。あの隣の病院、一回も入った事なかったからちょとう嫌な感じだった。

もうひとつの問題があった。たくはがくとはなと待っていました。陣痛が始まったらジョンとコリーンの家へ連れって行く積りでした。コリーンに電話した。迎えに来て貰えました。良かった！よく助けれました。

４時半ぐらいに病院に入った。椿ちゃんは６時半に生まれました。陣痛ちゃんと始まったから生まれたまで早かった！

思ったよりにかなり違いました。でも、安全と言えますので良かった！



Photo Album Links (写真のリンク)
Tsubaki: http://tiny.cc/tsubaki
2010-02 Gaku & Hana: http://tiny.cc/GakuHana

Being a Mother

My friend sent this to me and I thought I would post it...

After 17 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie. She said, "I love you, but I know this other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you."

The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER, who has been alone for 20 years, but the demands of my work and my two boys had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.

That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie.

"What's wrong? Aren't you well?" she asked.

My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news.

"I thought it would be pleasant to spend some time with you," I responded.
"Just the two of us."
She thought about it for a moment, and then said, "I would like that very much."

That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up, I was a bit nervous.
When I arrived at her house, I noticed aht she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date.
She waited in the door. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last birthday on November 19th.

She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's. "I told my friends that I was going out with my son, and they were impressed," she said, as she got into that new white van. "They can't wait to hear about our date."

We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy.
My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady. After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only read large print. Halfway through the entrees, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips. "It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small," she said. "Then it's time that you relax and let me return the favor," I responded.

During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation - nothing extraordinary but catching up on recent events of each other's life.
We talked so much that we missed the movie.

As we arrived at her house later, she said, "I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you." I agreed.

"How was your dinner date?" asked my wife when I got home.
"Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined," I answered.

A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn't have a chance to do anything for her.

Some time later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place Mother and I had dined. An attached note said, "I paid this bill in advance. I wasn't sure that I could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two plates - one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant for me. I love you, son."

At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in time "I LOVE YOU" and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve. Nothing in life is more important than your family. Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off until 'some other time'.

***********************

Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you've had a baby...
Somebody doesn't know that once you're a mother, 'normal' is history.

Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by instinct...
Somebody never took a three-year-old shopping.

Somebody said being a mother is boring...
Somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver's permit.

Somebody said if you're a 'good' mother, your child will 'turn out good'...
Somebody thinks a child comes with directions and a guarantee.

Somebody said you don't need an education to be a mother...
Somebody never helped a fourth grader with his math.

Somebody said you can't love a second child as much as you love the first...
Somebody doesn't have two children.

Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labor and delivery...
Somebody never watched her 'baby' get on the bus for the first day of kindergarten, or on a plane headed for military boot camp.

Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after he child gets married...
Somebody doesn't know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a mother's heartstrings.

Somebody said a mother's job is done when her last child leaves home...
Somebody never had grandchildren.

Somebody said you mother knows you love her, so you don't need to tell her...
Somebody isn't a mother.