Okay, I was waiting in the doctor's office and read a question/answer article in a parenting magazine. I can't remember what the name of the magazine was, but I do remember that it was the May 2010 issue. While reading it, it bothered me a bit and has continued to bother me. Here is a brief recap of the question and the answer:
Question:
My four-year-old kid usually plays in his room with the door closed. I feel that he needs his privacy while playing and that it is important to give him privacy. But his friend's mom would rather have the door open while they play in the room. I don't want to be a hovering parent, so how should I handle this?
Answer:
You're right not to want to hover too much. Hovering makes kids more insecure when they get older. But since the other mom is not comfortable with your style, you should talk to your kid and suggest that when this kid is over playing that maybe they should play with the door open because it makes his mom feel more comfortable.
While reading this, I thought it was wrong and it has kind of been nagging at me.
I am NOT a hovering parent. I do think that children need to be left to play on their own and parents should not interfere too much. What I mean is that the kids should be allowed a certain amount of leeway to resolve their own problems. And playing on their own, using their imaginations freely is important. But what 4-year-old child needs "privacy"? What do they need privacy to do? I had to go back and re-read the part to verify the age, because I couldn't believe that the article was talking about privacy for a 4-year-old!
Often I am not in the same room where my children are playing, but they do not close doors to play in privacy. Actually, I have a rule with them about keeping the doors open. I do not want them "playing with" doors as this can lead to pinched fingers during arguments. Also, Hana cannot open doors yet and I do not want her trapped in a room somewhere in the house. If they were allowed to close doors, this is definitely what would happen every time they fight.
I think this whole concept of physical privacy is over the top. It is a very Western (or is it uniquely American?) concept. And applying this concept of privacy to children at the age of four is completely crazy! In most countries, families do not have the space to allow children privacy in the way it is talked about in the article. They turn out just fine and do not need such privacy.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Musical Beds
Sometimes playing musical beds can be tough, tiring and confusing. Last night was one of those nights.
Currently, we are sleeping in two rooms: the "bedroom" where Tak, Gaku and Hana sleep with two beds (full-size and queen) and the "playroom" where I sleep with Tsubaki on a double futon. Up until the time Tsubaki was born, I co-slept with Hana. But due to concerns about Hana rolling over on and/or kicking Tsubaki, I cannot co-sleep with Hana anymore. Sleeping with the baby makes more sense for me since I need to nurse her at night. However, Hana still needs to snuggle with Mommy to go to sleep at night. Therefore, I now get to play musical beds! There are two patterns to musical beds: Tsubaki is awake at bedtime, and Tsubaki is already sleeping at bedtime.
If Tsubaki is awake at bedtime, I take her with me to snuggle with Hana. This means I can nurse her on the left side while Hana lays behind me and reaches her arm over me while snuggling. We usually end up falling asleep like this and waking up sometime between midnight and 3 am when it's time to nurse Tsubaki again, this time on the right side, so we return to our futon because I cannot put Tsubaki in the middle. If Hana falls asleep right away, I'll sneak away right then and come back to the futon with Tsubaki.
If Tsubaki is already sleeping at bedtime, I leave her on the futon and go snuggle just with Hana. This is much easier for me. And Hana falling asleep first is the ideal because then I can come back to Tsubaki right away. But usually I fall asleep first and wake up when I hear Tsubaki crying from the next room.
And then there's the added factor of Hana sometimes waking up when I'm in the playroom with Tsubaki. This means that I jump out of bed and go snuggle Hana (if I hear her) and then wait 5-10 minutes to go back to Tusbaki. Or Tak sometimes brings Hana to sleep in the futon the rest of the night, which is my least favorite musical beds situation because it makes the rest of the nursings for the night more challenging as Hana wants to continually snuggle and gets grumpy if she can't, and I also have to sit up for some of the nursings so Tsubaki is not in the middle.
So last night, I woke up to hear Hana crying. But I was really confused. I looked next to me and Hana was sleeping, so I started dozing off again. Then I heard the crying again and woke up a bit more, only to realize that I was in bedroom with Hana and Tsubaki was the one crying and she was in the playroom! Jump out of bed and go to the little one. I can't even keep track of where I'm sleeping and which kid is crying anymore!
Currently, we are sleeping in two rooms: the "bedroom" where Tak, Gaku and Hana sleep with two beds (full-size and queen) and the "playroom" where I sleep with Tsubaki on a double futon. Up until the time Tsubaki was born, I co-slept with Hana. But due to concerns about Hana rolling over on and/or kicking Tsubaki, I cannot co-sleep with Hana anymore. Sleeping with the baby makes more sense for me since I need to nurse her at night. However, Hana still needs to snuggle with Mommy to go to sleep at night. Therefore, I now get to play musical beds! There are two patterns to musical beds: Tsubaki is awake at bedtime, and Tsubaki is already sleeping at bedtime.
If Tsubaki is awake at bedtime, I take her with me to snuggle with Hana. This means I can nurse her on the left side while Hana lays behind me and reaches her arm over me while snuggling. We usually end up falling asleep like this and waking up sometime between midnight and 3 am when it's time to nurse Tsubaki again, this time on the right side, so we return to our futon because I cannot put Tsubaki in the middle. If Hana falls asleep right away, I'll sneak away right then and come back to the futon with Tsubaki.
If Tsubaki is already sleeping at bedtime, I leave her on the futon and go snuggle just with Hana. This is much easier for me. And Hana falling asleep first is the ideal because then I can come back to Tsubaki right away. But usually I fall asleep first and wake up when I hear Tsubaki crying from the next room.
And then there's the added factor of Hana sometimes waking up when I'm in the playroom with Tsubaki. This means that I jump out of bed and go snuggle Hana (if I hear her) and then wait 5-10 minutes to go back to Tusbaki. Or Tak sometimes brings Hana to sleep in the futon the rest of the night, which is my least favorite musical beds situation because it makes the rest of the nursings for the night more challenging as Hana wants to continually snuggle and gets grumpy if she can't, and I also have to sit up for some of the nursings so Tsubaki is not in the middle.
So last night, I woke up to hear Hana crying. But I was really confused. I looked next to me and Hana was sleeping, so I started dozing off again. Then I heard the crying again and woke up a bit more, only to realize that I was in bedroom with Hana and Tsubaki was the one crying and she was in the playroom! Jump out of bed and go to the little one. I can't even keep track of where I'm sleeping and which kid is crying anymore!
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Easter Bunny is Not Screaming
Gaku and Hana had been wanting candy for their Pez dispensers that they got for Christmas. Actually, Gaku could not find his (Buzz Lightyear) and so he wanted a new one. Before going shopping I had said that, if they were good, I would buy them another Pez dispenser.
I ran into Babies 'R Us for a few things but I didn't see any Pez dispensers. They had both been *reasonably* good in the store, so we made a quick trip to Target. I figured they must have them. Candy section? Nope. Toy section? Nope. Discounted Easter section? Bingo. Not Buzz ones, but they were 50% off and both Gaku and Hana were happy with them. Gaku picked out one that had a pink dispenser with a brown bunny, and Hana got the purple one with a pink bunny.
Lately Hana has this really loud, low, gravelly voice that she sometimes uses. It is so un-girlie and really cracks me up. So, last night towards the end of dinner, Hana was done and Gaku was the last one at the table still eating - as always. Hana went and got her Pez dispenser and tried to talk to Gaku, one bunny to the other. The conversation went like this:
Hana: (sweet voice) Hi! Talk me. Talk me. (gravelly voice) NOW!!
Gaku: The Easter bunny doesn't scream.
Hana: (almost sweet voice) Easter bunny not screaming.
The conversation is kind of lame written out like this, but for those of you who know Gaku and Hana's voices and can hear the conversation, it's pretty funny. It had everyone at the table laughing.
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